Trust me, as someone who has put it on, it’s amazing. It looks incredible, it’s comfortable as hell, and oh … it glows in the dark.
I’m not talking a cheesy, “Slimer” from Ghostbusters glow-in-the-dark. No, I’m talking a bad-ass, Jabbawockeez light-up-the-night glow-in-the-dark.
“So what,” you say. “What’s the big deal,” you say. “How cool can that be,” you say.
That picture in the upper right? One hundred percent authentic. And it glows that bright, just from the flash on a cell phone camera.
I wouldn’t have believed it either. In fact, I didn’t believe it until the Team USA store staff actually took a picture in the dark with the jacket on my back. And even after they snapped the picture, I was convinced I was being taken by a photoshop trick.
It’s the jacket of the future, people.
Oh, and did I mention the back? “The United States of America,” stenciled in “boxing style” letters. What is “boxing style”? Check it:
It really is the perfect jacket.
Designed by Nike and world-renowned artist Marcus Gaab, the PR pitch is:
America’s athletes are sure to be the stars of the London 2012 Olympics — both figuratively and literally. … There’s absolutely no way your USA pride will go unnoticed; in addition to a Team USA patch on the chest, an Ol’ Glory patch on the left sleeve, and “The United States of America” cut out of the back with precision layers, this jacket is equipped with a hyper-reflective exterior. It catches even the dimmest light source and reflects it back with a bright flash. It’s the ultimate gear for USA athletes and their devoted fans!
Of course, the Internet still exists. So there are complaints. Chris Chase of Yahoo Sports! doesn’t like the color:
“Gray and black? What is this, the set of a Christopher Nolan film? We’re not saying everything had to be vomiting red, white, and blue (like some medal stand outfits of the past) but it’d be nice to be able to visually identify our athletes without the aid of an NBC chyron.”
And Gaile Robinson of the Star-Telegram amazingly thinks they’re old-fashioned:
USA’s medal-stand jackets must be from Nike’s geezer line, Pops on the Podium … The jackets look even worse on the women. These will get you an early bird special at Denny’s, but who’s going to want to trade for them at the Closing Ceremony?
I don’t know what advanced futuristic planet Robinson lives on, but we should probably be checking it out in case we deplete all the resources on Earth, or discover an asteroid on a collision course.
(Also, let’s not knock Denny’s. The “French Slam” is a legit late-night value.)
Too grey? Old-fashioned. Oh, Internet. Can’t anything outside of 4chan and anime ever just be cool?
You know what the great ones say: “Haters gonna hate.”
I had to have one. I had to buy one. I ran to the register.
Then I saw the price tag.
Yes, dollars. American.
If it was $300, I could convince myself. If it was $350, there would still be an outside shot.
But $450? I wasn’t doing that. There’s no piece of clothing on the planet worth $450. Sorry America, I’ll have to show my USA pride in some other way.
I know. I’ll dedicate an entire column to the USA medal stand jacket. I’ll spend 600 words talking about the “21st C. Windrunner V.”
Then I can just expense it.
(Editor’s Note: Lee’s request to expense a $450 jacket was summarily denied.)
The opinions expressed are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of Comcast.